There’s been a lot in the news recently on the subject of unconscious relationships and the destruction and violence that plague them.  Just turn on the TV and you’ll be inundated by crime scene footage and courtroom battles between spouses, lovers and friends.  I always wonder what happened to the love and connection that once was.  Our justice system and society in general are intent on defending the victim and punishing the perpetrator.  But, is it really that simple?  Is there something in the way that we relate to one another that may be a recipe for disaster?  I think so, and I believe it’s an issue of consciousness. 

Romantic relationships today appear to be very unconscious.  Many people partner for very selfish reasons–we’re focused on getting our emotional, physical and sexual needs met.  We may be bored, lonely, sexless, etc., and want to fill that need.  Along the path, we meet someone who satisfies our basic criteria and we then delude ourselves into thinking that we’re ready for a “hook up” or that we’ve found “the one”–someone special to share our lives with.  But, for the most part, all of this maneuvering is about us! 

In conscious relationships, we work to balance our needs with the needs and concerns of our partner.  We don’t take advantage of them sexually, emotionally, financially, etc., in an effort to get ahead and make life more comfortable and enjoyable for ourselves.  We don’t exploit the people in our lives–we don’t take more than we give.  We love and care for our partners emotionally and physically in a way that is mutually beneficial.  I say we, but I’m a work in progress.  Every day I work to be more consciously connected and more authentic in my interactions. My life is changing; I have more peace and more honest relating in my life than ever before. 

When relationships are ill-conceived, unconscious and unbalanced, people do crazy things.  They can be violent, verbally abusive, vindictive and lethal.  They are literally out of their minds!  That’s really the truth; they’re not awake and aware.  They are unconsciously reacting from impulse and fear, and that’s what we see played out on TV.  If we don’t take the time to be present and conscious in all of our creations, especially in relationships, we can most likely expect volatility in our lives.  When we exploit others in an effort to get our needs met, we create an environment that is ripe for hostility, resentment and sometimes violence.  We must take the time to get to know our potential partner, and we must actively contribute to the well-being of our relationship.  We’ve got to find a way to balance our needs with the needs of our partner in a way that is respectful, honorable and compassionate.  Don’t mislead and take from others.  Don’t tell people what you think they want to hear to gain access to their body, money, status, good opinion, etc.  If you do this, there will be a price to pay.  It could be the currency you eventually pay in divorce court, child support, alimony, palimony, dysfunctional living, a disgraced reputation, incarceration, and so on.  You can’t fool life; and there are no shortcuts to living well.  So, let’s step up and be honest (no games), let’s pay attention to our needs and the needs of our partner, and let’s work on our issues with the help of a therapist if necessary.  In other words, let’s GROW.  That’s the path to consciously creating your life and creating lasting, fulfilling and loving relationships.